08/23/2007

Police Warning about Beer and Alcohol



 

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. 

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women
whom they would never normally be attracted. 

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly
what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the

unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment

referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam

after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it,
there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click here:


Beer Demo 

 

 



Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

Birds





Eagles mate for life  ....
  Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darlin' of 10 glorious years. He went looking and found her. 

She had been shot. Dead! 
Harry was devastated. 

After about six minutes of mourning, he decided that he must get himself another mate. But he just might
like to cross the feather barrier. So he flew off to find a new mate.
He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest. 

The sex was OK but all the DOVE would say is "I am a DOVE. I want to Love! I am a DOVE. I want to love!" 

Well, this got on Harry's nerves, so he kicked the Dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.


He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say is, "I am a LOON. I want to spoon! I am a LOON. I want to spoon!" 



Egad! Out with the LOON. 



Once more he flew off to find a mate. 


This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought the DUCK back to the nest.

Again the sex was great, but all the DUCK would say was...well ..... you know ......







Scroll down. 






No ...... the DUCK didn't say THAT!!!!!         
 


Scroll a little further. 

 





The Duck said, "I am a DRAKE. You made a MISTAKE !"


Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

The way we sleep




HOW WE SLEEP AFTER A FEW BEERS WITH FRIENDS





HOW WE SLEEP AFTER A FEW  WINES WITH FRIENDS





HOW WE SLEEP AFTER A FEW  MARGARITAS WITH FRIENDS





HOW WE SLEEP AFTER TWO BOTTLES OF JACK DANIELS




HOW WE SLEEP AFTER SHARING A  FEW BOTTLES OF WINE




HOW WE SLEEP AFTER A FEW KAMIKARZIS






AND AFTER A FEW BEERS, WINES, KAMAKARZIS, JACK DANIELS, MARGARITS.....





Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

Atheism





An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.

Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen



Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

What did you say?





  Just like a husband !!!

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he  thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her,    he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
 
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband  could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
 
Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away  from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears    you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a  response."
 
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was    in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away,  let's see what  happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  No response.
 
 
  So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his    wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  Still no response.
 
 
 
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from    his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
  Again he gets no response.
 
 
 
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey,  what's for dinner?" 



Again there is no response.
 
 
  So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
 
 
 
  (I just love this)
 
 
 
  "Ralph , for the FIFTH  *$%# ' time, CHICKEN!"



Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

Banyos from Around the World



 


BANYOS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

[Download]



Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry
08/23/2007

Pig Farmers Journal




  Is this an occupation to consider in retirement?
 
  THIS CONFIRMS IT, THIS COUNTRY HAS GONE MAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
 
Letter written in response to reports that a farmer in Oxford has been  offered a payment to stop rearing pigs...
 
  To: Rt Hon David Milliband MP Secretary of State, (Department for
  Environment, Food and Rural Affairs) DEFRA
 
 
  Dear Secretary of State,
 
  My brother-in-law, who is in farming at the moment, received a cheque
  for £18,000 from the Rural payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I now
  want to join the 'not rearing pigs' business.
 
  In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
  which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I
  approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies
  dictated by the EU under the Common Agriculture Policy.
 
  I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you
  want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any
  advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester
  Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
 
  As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
  accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any
  Government or Local Authority courses on this?
 
  My brother-in-law is very satisfied with this business. He has been
  rearing pigs for many years and the best he ever made on them was £1,422
  in
  1968.
 
  That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.
 
  If I get £10,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £20,000 for not
  rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding
  myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about
  £800,000 for the first year. Then I can afford to buy an aeroplane.
 
  Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000
  tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing
  crops.
 
  Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the
  pigs I didn't rear?
 
  I am also considering the 'not milking cows' business, so please send
  any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the
  Government information on set aside fields? Can this be done on an
  e-commerce basis with virtual fields?
 
  In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally
  unemployed, and will qualify for unemployment benefits.
 
  I shall of course vote for you at the next general election.


Categories: Jokes
posted by SMILE at 10:00:00 am | Leave Comment [0] | # Link to this entry

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